before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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