Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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