i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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