In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize