i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
