Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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