I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
