she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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