dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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