At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
porn star boner night. come get it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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