he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
