we're blogging at a bar
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize