not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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