you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
