you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
