did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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