I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize