this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
