just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
