I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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