Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
