"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
