I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
