P.S. I can't hear my feet
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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