Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
