I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
a search helicopter?!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
