I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She needs sedatives and a leash
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
