the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
