Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
