if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
