Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
