im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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