"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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