Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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