Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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