I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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