Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just found puke in my bra..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
