dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
