Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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