i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize