I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
