I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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