I wish my penis had an off switch
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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