The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
