Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
