omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
