Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
