A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
