The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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