I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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