He felt like a one man threesome
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize