her vagine was all disorganized.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
