I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i was born a porn star she said
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize