a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
