What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
