apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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