just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
