How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
