Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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