Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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