the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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